Need help copeing wiht possibel permenat lost of bets friend?

ok so one of my best friedns dosent want to talk to me for aat least a year. this is like my BEST friend. i feel like ive been a horibel friend to her even tho when asking my other friends their opinion they say im not doing anything to be a bad friend. but i still feel bad. makeing matters worse im a huge anime fan she is too but here are evry few peopel where i live that like anime and im haveing problems finding them so i dont really have anything to talk about wiht my to my othher friends. its been...almost a month i guess since she told me she dosent want to tak to me. im not like crying like a baby like i was at first but...im haveing nightmares...really horribel nightmares where my friends all run away from me..especialy her. also i think that the reason she may have decided to stop talking to me (after many hours of thinking about htis) is because shes a athlete like olympic athelet shes training for all this stuff +all her personal stuff and school etc and well i think thta stress is getting to her and well i live in a differnt country then her now. so i think she thought it would be easier for her if she limited her friends and hey who would you choose the one you cna see every day cus she only lives like idk half ahour away or the one you can rarely see cus she lives in another country. well i cnat sya i blame her. i still think i was a pretty crapy friend...but i dont think i deserve what happened. the one friend that lives close to the one im upset about really hurt me...problem is i dont think she even feels bad about it. she lied abotu m and to me..wich really hurt surprisingly she hurt me way more then my best friend *wince* idk if im alud to clal her thta right now...i think she might be upset if i do...and she can still see everythign im writing (unless she delted her yahoo stuf *shrug*) well...do you think she still likes me? shes still subscribed to me on youtube and sometimes i notice wale i look to see if peopel ive subscribed to have uploaded anything that shes faved some of the same stuff i have shortly after i have (she use to go thru my favs allthe time cus i pretty much live on youtube) and i dont think shes said anythign mean about me like my other 'friend' shes not that kind of person....but still im really upset and dont knwo how im going to deal with this for a year wale thinkgin "oh hey she may or may not want to REALLY be my friend. she may just be pittying me" (tho i dont think she would pitty me she knows i would hate that) well anyone know what i should do to try to cope with the possibel permenat lost of a good friend? ive been trying to cope on my own...but since the nightmares started i dotn think im doing as good as a job as i thought i was. and...if my firend is reaidng this im sorry for putting this on the net for discussion..i just wnat to hear what other peopel think and manby get some reasurance....and...*sigh* im just sorry.