Divirced now confused?

i was married for almost two years. me and my ex husband had dated only briefly and we decided to get amrried. during the brief dating period i saw signs that now i am aware are obssesive signs. he used to go through my emails , he hacked into my sisters emails and did alot of things like scaring my ex boyfriends off and asking them if they had slept with me. before we got married he would threaten me if i ever cheted on him he wuld do something bad to me. i over looked all these issues as he loved me alot and would give me alot of attention. calling me all day and night and emailing me even if he had gone back abroad for work. he then came back to my country and we tied the note and he informed me that he was fired because he decided to take an impromtu leave to come back and marry me and he didnt mind as long as he had me in his life. he kept on promising me he would find a job soonest and go back to teh UAE. i only find out later that he had defaulted a loan in UAE and he could not go back so i was stuck with him with no job and me being pregnant and i was stressed peoperly. i would reject him sexually during early pregnancy and he would get mad that i rejected him coz he had no job and he would push me around even slap me at times or get into fights with me when i answered him rudely. this trend continued through the whole pregnancy . he woudl get jealous when im late frm work. when i dress up and when i needed space frm him. he would even steal money that i had saved up for teh birth of teh bby from my atm account so that to but khatt. after giving birth i moved away frm him and went to my parents house as i couldnt take in the stress and teh fact that i was stuck with a ceasarian bill and he did not even try to get a job to chip in the hospital bill. he went to the extend of going into my sisters emails and printing them saying that my sister had given birth out of wedlock and hid the baby which is not acceptable in our society. after four months he begged frogiveness and asked me to give him a chance for teh sake of my baby and that nw he had a job. so i forgave him only to find out two mths later he had been left his work and again iw as stuck alone with all the bills. During this time we would fight about money about everything under the sky and it would make the baby cry alot. he would say i am pretending to be a man jsut becasue i pay teh bills. then he woudl cry and apologise after all our fights and be good to me. at times he woudl love me exccessively and be nice but aat times we woudl tell each other mean things and fight physically and i would end up leaving the house . he would spend cash badly so long as he got what he wanted wothout caring. finally one day after a fight i left and never went back . i forced him to give me a divorce and he went back to the house we stayed in and he took all my personal stuff even my clothes adn went away with. he has been calling me telling me that i left him for no reason and he loved me alot. at first i was angry with im but now that teh anger has subsided i keep on dreaming about him having good times with him and at times my son and i wake feeling remorseful that maybe i had made a mistake. is it normal to feel this wya?